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People Who I Wouldn’t Lend Twenty Dollars To 1: Robin Thicke

This guy

This guy

I begin my assessment with full acknowledgment that Robin Thicke is criticized a lot, and perhaps disproportionately so based on his actions. Many have argued that his summer hit “Blurred Lines” contains sexist, objectifying, and even pro-rape content. However, it is not for this reason that I wouldn’t trust the guy with my money.

I would definitely agree that the “Blurred Lines” official music video is both incredibly sexist and laughably objectifying. However, calling his lyricism “pro-rape” would imply that he used anything other than a random assortment of words inspired by thoughts of his own genitalia to write the song. This implication possibly gives him too much credit. The most harshly criticized line of the song, “I know you want it,” was not written by someone who intends to degrade; it was written by that unfortunate kid in your second grade class who utters, “Excuse me, Miss Kelly? What does “assfuck” mean?”

Furthermore, it is important to add that my proclaiming of his naivety is not a form of defense for Thicke. The man is 36 years old, and has probably graduated elementary school. He is clearly culturally oblivious or hasn’t had enough life experience to know that people will be upset if you claim to know that a drunk girl consents, and then later, include a rap about ripping her ass in two. Or he could just be a tool-bag who doesn’t care about women.

His obliviousness and misogyny are not why I would not lend him twenty dollars. While I don’t lend money to sexists, there is a larger and more pressing reason that I wouldn’t lend him my money.

Below, you will find the segment of lyrics from “Blurred Lines” that has compelled me to put Robin Thicke on the list of people I wouldn’t lend twenty dollars to:

“I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
You wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey”

Many song writers often encounter situations in which they are unable to rhyme consecutive lines. These lyricists find creative ways around such barriers.
For example, the Beatles maneuver through such a conflict in the very first line of their song “Help!”:

“Help, I need somebody,

Help, Not just anybody…”

Now, as we carefully examine these words, we see that they used two words that don’t exactly rhyme, but have the same final sound in each of the last words of these short sentences. However, what I find most disturbing is that Thicke is successfully able to “rhyme” two words that sound nothing alike, approximately 45 seconds prior to the above lyric atrocity:

“Okay now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you’re an animal, baby, it’s in your nature.”

Now, it becomes clear to the listener that a man who can rhyme “domesticate you” with “in your nature” clearly has no regard for proper and conventional rhyming schemes, and can easily get around such disregard by tightening his mouth into the shape of an anus and using his abdominal muscles to make noises usually used to communicate with infants.

Thicke’s line “what rhymes with hug me?” shows that, without a moment’s notice, he puts in minimal effort to get past extremely simple problems, in an attempt to be cute and quirky. Can I trust such a person with my money? No way, Robin. Get a job. No, not THAT kind of job. Oh never mind.

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